


Mid-Morning Lament

by prettyfolkinodd



Series: Black Magic [2]
Category: The Dead End Kids Club (Band), The Like (Band), Young Veins
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Arguing, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Other, Recovery, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29391873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyfolkinodd/pseuds/prettyfolkinodd
Summary: “and then I let you in...”
Relationships: Ryan Ross and Dan Keyes (referenced), Z Berg & Ryan Ross, Z Berg/Ryan Ross
Series: Black Magic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159112
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Mid-Morning Lament

She rolled over, trying to block out the noises her mind was making out of boredom. 

She knew no one was there. She was home, alone. But there was eeriness about the empty house. Sometimes she swore she saw shadows and heard footsteps, but maybe it’s just because she wanted to see them. Wanted to hear it. 

In her attempts to fall asleep, she gazed at the wall in front of her. The frame of the clock that once hung, propped against the wall. Right next to the patched hole. The glass had shattered, long gone in the trash along with the bottles and caps. 

She remembered the night it happened, and she could feel her heart pounding. 

_ “Ryan, let’s lay down. You need to sleep,” she tried to pull him towards the bed, but despite his small frame, his drunkenness made him stronger somehow.  _

_ “No,” he mumbled, “I needa...gotta pee—“ _

_He thought he was in front of the bathroom door, but he was off by two feet. Thinking he was kicking the door open, he kicked a hole in the apparently thin wall._

_ Z stood back, she didn’t even have the energy to try and stop him from kicking the wall, or stop what was about to happen. She was devoid of any will to help. She was tired.  _

_ Ryan screamed as the large clock fell from the wall and smashed on his foot. “Z!Why is the door on my foot!” He slurred .  _

_ “You kicked the wall, Ry,” her voice was soft and worn. “The clock fell.” _

_ He kicked the clock across the floor, “where’s the bathroom?” _

_ Z sighed, stepping towards him and pushing open the bathroom door. She flicked the light on in hopes of avoiding any mistakes on where the toilet was. “There.” _

_ He mumbled a thank you and shut the door.  _

_She laid down in the bed and felt tears roll down her cheeks. She didn’t know how he had gotten this way. When drinking and drugs had become more important than her, more important than music. It seemed impossible to her. It was like something had broke in him, breaking everything in her._

_ When he left the bathroom, he stripped down to his socks and underwear and threw himself on the bed, pulling Z’s small body against his. She closed her eyes at the smell of alcohol on his entire being.  _

_ “I love you,” he mumbled against her hair. Z felt a sob choke out of her throat.  _

_ “You’re so fucked up, Ryan,” she said, her volume soft. “I...I love you but—“ _

“ _What?” He sounded almost coherent, scared of what she’d say._

_ Z sniffled, “we can talk in the morning. Just go to sleep.” _

Just because she kicked him out, just because she couldn’t do it anymore, didn’t mean she didn’t love him. 

But if Z’s mom taught her anything, (and she taught her A LOT), it’s that Z came first. She had to love herself before anyone else. And that’s what she was trying to do. 

She fell asleep. Her pillow case was damp, the house felt loud, there were shadows. But she fell asleep. 

But now it was 3 AM, and he phone was ringing, and she didn’t have to look to know who it was. 

“What do you want?” Her tone was hateful, almost. 

_ “Can I come home?” _

“No. Ryan, I told you,” Z rolled onto her back, holding the phone to her ear with one hand, and covering her eyes with the other. 

_ “I know....just,” he paused,  “Z, I have nowhere to stay. I guess I could....stay with my new friend but....I don’t want to give him any troub-“ _

Z sat up angrily, “you don’t want to give someone you just met trouble? Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused me!?”

_ “I know-“ _

“Are you drunk right now? High? Do you honestly think I can stand to have you here right now?” She swallowed thickly. “I’m not trying to have anymore holes in the wall. My dad had enough trouble with the one.”

_ “I’m not drunk. I can’t say I’m sober either—but Z, please. I’ll even sleep on the couch, I’ll sleep in garage if you want.” _

His voice was honest. She knew he wasn’t wasted. A step forward. 

Ryan broke her silence.  _ “I promise on anything holy I won’t try anything, I just need somewhere to sleep.” _

She sighed, laying back down, pinching the space between her eyes. “Call me when you’re here and I’ll let you in.”

* * *

The following morning, Z stood quietly in the archway, eyes glued to Ryan’s slumped frame on the couch. His boots were sat neatly by the coffee table and his shirt was slightly unbuttoned. She hated the way the two curls falling in his face made her heart pound. Made her want to kiss his stubbled face and take him back. 

He had cried when she let him in. Flung his arms around her then backed off, apologizing. It was the most  _ Ryan _ she’d seen him in a long time. He told her about his new friend, Dan, the bartender. He smiled as her told her about talking about his issues with someone who understood. She half smiled at the recall of the conversation. 

Z pushed herself to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee. Rarely did she have an alcoholic thought herself, but pouring a shot of liquor in her cup sounded all too tempting. She pushed it away. It would only lead to day drinking which would only lead to fighting with Ryan. Which is something she wanted to avoid at all costs. 

She heard him groan from the living room, prompting her to grab another cup from the cupboard. Z prepared both cups, just in time for his feet to pad across the kitchen. 

“Here,” she handed him the cup as she turned around. 

“Oh-thanks,” Ryan held his mouth in a straight line, looking down at the caramel colored liquid. “Hey-I’m sorry for any trouble last night. I didn’t mean to keep you up. Or intrude.”

Z leaned against the counter, spinning her spoon in the  I *heart* Vegas  mug. “I wasn’t asleep when you called. I hardly sleep at all, anyways.”

“That’s my fault, huh?”

Z chuckled a little, looking up into his amber eyes. “Little bit, yeah.”

Ryan bit his lip, “sorry. I’m supposed to have lunch with Dan today. You’re welcome to come. He said he has a place he might be able to get me into.”

“That’s great, Ry. I’m happy for you.” 

She was. She wanted the best for him, because hell—she’d be a liar to say she didn’t want the best of him. The best of them. Even still. 

“So will you come? I want you guys to meet! He’s great.”

Z smiled warmly as she set her mug on the counter. She pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder then crossed her arms. “Sure, I’ll come meet your boyfriend.”

He laughed. She felt the glimmer of hope while the fear of relapse still sat snuggly in her bones. It was so easy to let him back in, so hard to push him away when he was all she’d wanted for so long. 

She always reverted back to that young girl that first fell. 


End file.
